Waxing philosophic about the end of someone else’s marriage

4 Jun

Me

How on earth do you divorce after a 40-year long marriage?

Like I said, only the two of them will truly know.

Him

You finally give up. I’m sure they have been divorced for awhile now. Just because its not on paper doesn’t mean they have much of a marriage.

Me

Still. Marriage can be many things. A relationship gets redefined and reinvented many times. After spending 40 years with someone, it’s an entire lifetime. It’s hard for me to understand how you can’t find a new normal and why the only solution would be separating.

Him

I would only guess that a couple who gets divorced after that long has been mentally separated for a long time. If they were ok with their relationship changing over time and working with those changes, then they probably wouldn’t  be getting divorced.

Me

I dunno. I mean in the dozen years that I’ve been married, I am fully aware how much relationships can change. How can one not be fully aware of it after 40?

Him

Awareness and acceptance are not the same thing. And people can have extraordinary patience. But when it runs out, it runs out.

Me

Only the two of them will ever know, unless they both decide to write a book about it. But my only guess is that somewhere in there is a broken promise that the other person just couldn’t move beyond. Me, I’d probably just stay married. Even if we lived in separate houses or maintained separate lives.

There’s a point at which divorce just doesn’t make sense to me on any level. But I guess I think differently about the commitment of marriage. It’s not just a legal contract, it’s a spiritual one.

And every hard lesson you learn through your commitment is exactly the one you’re needing to. You can end the marriage all you want, but you don’t get to escape from doing your soul’s work. So you may as well stick it out, and learn what you came here to learn.

Him

shrug

I see not point in living separate lives in separate houses. You might as well get divorced if thats your life.

Me

I guess I’m more big picture than that. If you get to that point for a while, it doesn’t mean that is where you will always be. If the work is unfinished, you will still need top finish it, whether it be with this spouse or the next. So you may as well make it with this one.

Him

Well, yes…to an extent. I’m merely saying that the Gores have probably been in this place for years and years and years. If after a certain time you haven’t moved past, it then what’s the point of continuing to try?

But, it could also be one sided. Maybe one person wants out and the other one was blindsided.

Me

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