Fatigue

5 Nov

Today is the first day of many that I am coming up with excuses as to why I don’t want to do this. It’s just too hard to find something to write every day, I say. The truth is, it’s just too easy to do nothing.

A few days ago I linked to this post on Callipygian Briefs. Since then I have been thinking a lot about this quote:

One of the critical pieces of information I’ve learned from the Happiness Project is that I should act the way I want to feel. If I want to feel more energetic, I need to act more energetic: pace when I talk on the phone, walk more quickly, put more energy into my voice.

This sounds like magical thinking, but hard science show that the “Fake it ‘till you feel it” strategy really works.

The least productive approach is to do what I’ve been doing – dwelling on my feelings of tiredness.

I don’t know if I have it in me to “fake it until I feel it.” Right now I am generally overwhelmed by a list of ever-conflicting obligations. I am tired all the time, but not always from a lack of rest. Perhaps it’s the weight of everything I need to get done wearing me out. More than likely, it’s the fear I have of failing at anything that’s wearing me out.

November is always a tough month. There’s a lot to get done. It’s easy to view adding NaBloPoMo to my list of obligations as a mistake. But its no more of a mistake than agreeing to complete two more courses by the second week of December for my freelance work. Sure, the freelance work pays, but writing fulfills. If I haven’t learned my lesson of doing things that pay but leave me feeling empty after my four years at that e-Learning Company, when will I learn?

So, as lame as this post is, I consider it an accomplishment. I sat down. I plugged through it. I wrote something. It’s far from perfection, but it’s done. Tomorrow is another day, another chance to get inspired. Wow, that almost sounded like optimism. If I keep behaving like one, I might just turn into one.

Yeah right.

(Cross-posted at NabloPoMo.)


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4 Responses to “Fatigue”

  1. Gillian November 6, 2007 at 5:58 am #

    Hi,

    I’m just wondering if you still have the BG diapers and are in need of getting rid of them? I have six of them and need more- and noticed your comment on MightyGirl. Let me know! :)

    Thanks!

  2. Julie Pippert November 6, 2007 at 11:25 am #

    I expend a lot of emotional and thinking energy. So when you say you think the weight of your own expectations tire you out, that rings true for me.

    The idea of “fake it until you make it” and having to constantly choose among more obligations competing for every minute of your time really resonates with me, too.

    It’s taking a while (my kids are 3 and 6) but I’m starting to figure out how to sort through every minute needing to be spent on about three or more things. I just start to get a handle and then we reach a new stage. So far, elementary school is kicking my rear end. I do NOT recall school being this busy and crazy when I was a kid, but then again, it probably seemed like fun to me, not work back then LOL.

    So glad to meet you through INTJs and NaBloPoMo! Looking forward to more.

    If you lack for topics, tomorrow is the Blog Blast for Peace.

    Julie
    Using My Words

  3. Garrett November 6, 2007 at 12:34 pm #

    I have discovered what it is I love about your writing. It is your amazing ability to put feelings into words. So often I feel something… something I don’t understand and could not describe or explain to another or even myself really. So often you say things that so clearly express exactly what I feel. It surprises me to see my own feelings expressed so clearly.

    Edit:
    You just said that because you want to sleep with me ;-)
    ~Yolanda

  4. Yolanda November 6, 2007 at 12:35 pm #

    @ Gillian
    Thank you for stopping by. I sent you an e-mail regarding the diapers.

    @Julie
    Imagine that. INTJs worn out by thinking. Our interior worlds are so complicated, so nuanced and heavy,simply existing can be tiring for us. I am the only person I know who wakes up tired from dreaming. It’s that constant work of sorting it all out, organizing, and trying to make sense of it all. And trying to get it right. that ever elusive quality of right.

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