Abandonment Issues

14 Sep

She cries when I leave the room. A deep, mournful cry. A terrified screech that sends me running–mutilated abs and all–to rescue her. I can’t make her understand that when I leave, I am never gone.

I will be back.
She only remembers that I left her when she was most vulnerable. Naked, new, wet. Unoxginated and grey. Cold.

I left her. And she remembers. Our hearts aching for each other. An early wound, so impossible to forget. But I did come back. Parts of me, at least. The rest continues to emerge.

“I’m not leaving you. I will always come back.” I hug her close. I whisper it in her ear to calm her cries. I want her to believe it. To accept it as truth. But deep down she knows that some day those words will prove to be lies.

I won’t come back.

She knows the pain. And she fears its return.

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One Response to “Abandonment Issues”

  1. Tammy J September 18, 2007 at 11:11 am #

    Yay I can comment now!!! Ok so about Lyra and the abondonment issue..it’s a phase that comes and goes…they think as soon as they cant see you that you are gone forever…Kady did that as well around the same age as lyra..after awhile they quite crying…around 9 months to a year they start up again. Kady is doing it again now….along with temper tantrums teething etc…lol
    I kind of had abondonment issues as well when I went back to work…although it wasnt kady crying it was me! All the joys of being a mommy!!

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